When the Music Dies
by Farringtongirl
Summary: Background story about Kara's childhood, set through a dream. Slight LeeKara.


Title- When the Music Dies

Author- farringtongirl78  
Rating- M  
Warnings- trauma & abuse  
Spoilers- The Farm  
Disclaimers-I don't own these characters, Ron Moore does  
Summary- Set after the Farm, Kara has a nightmare and Lee is there to comfort her.

In the dim lighting of the makeshift quarters he can see her sleeping restlessly.Normally, he cherishes the moments when he can watch her in unguarded and peaceful sleep. It's not something he can indulge in often without arousing suspicion.

Her fingers twitch in her sleep and he thinks that she's dreaming of flying, but a muffled sob and the way she pulls herself into a fetal position has him up and out of his bunk in a heartbeat. Lee is not sure whether he should wake her or not, so he holds his silence and gently brushes a stray hair back from her anguished face. He feels useless watching her wrestle with these night terrors and wishes, not for the first time in his life, that she would let him in, let him protect her, and let her save him in kind.

In this run down old house, the small den is her favorite place to hide. She's nearly eleven and she only vaguely remembers her father, but this was his room and she feels safe here. Her mother hates this room, because he left her for what's centered here…a small piano. Her mother hates Kara too and for the same reason. She believes that he didn't want children, and more specifically he didn't want Kara.

Her mother has been drinking since dawn and it's a solid bet that she'll be passed out into the early evening, so Kara indulges her fantasy and sits at the piano. She plays soft nonsensical tunes and imagines that her father is sitting next to her, teaching her, sharing his love for music and entwining it with his love for his little girl. A secret smile blooms on her lips and the smack that brings her back to reality is all that more harsh because of the sweetness of her daydream.

"What is all this racket you're making?" her mother screams, making far more noise than Kara had been. Her quiet shock at her mothers' sudden appearance in a room she normally ignores wins her another back-handed slap that nearly causes Kara to fall off the bench.

"I'm sorry Mama, I didn't mean to wake you."

"Well I didn't mean to have you so I guess we're both sorry, aren't we." Kara can smell the ambrosia on her breath and nods in reply, silently sending prayers to the Lords of Kobol to protect her from the coming moments.

"Huh…so you think you're going to play the piano and then run off and leave me too do you?" she asks leaning over into her daughters face. She grips Kara's chin roughly and forces her frightened green eyes to look up into her own "Answer me! Or so help me you'll get a beating, the likes of which you've never had before."

"No, Mama. I was just playing."

"You were just playing…well then go on and play. Let's see if you're good at something, for once." She levels Kara with an appraising gaze, one meant to invite trust and confidence, but it freezes Kara with terror. "PLAY" her mother commands.

Kara places her fingers lightly on the cool ivory and begins to play another nameless tune, but her fingers are trembling and her mother's laughter causes tears to fall, marring her vision of the board.

"You call that music." Kara stops her play, believing this criticism to be her signal to halt, but her mother grabs her hair roughly before pushing her face against the top of the piano. "I didn't tell you to stop!" The familiar tang of copper fills her mouth and the salt of her tears soon joins it, forming the bitter taste that defines Kara's childhood…blood and tears.

She resumes her play and her mother is now dancing around the room in slow circles with her eyes closed. After a few minutes she bumps into the piano, causing Kara to loose her rhythm and stop, but she's too afraid to remove her hands from the keys. Their eyes meet and a lone tear drips down her mother's cheek as she tells her, "Ah, Kara baby, you're daddy's little girl." She then slams the key cover down onto the keys, breaking every bone in both of Kara's hands between the first and second knuckle.

She screams and cries in agony, but this time someone who loves her is waiting to comfort her. She feels the secure warmth of his touch and for a moment, she thinks her father has come to rescue her. Then the veil of the dream lifts and she opens her eyes to find stormy blue depths looking back at her.

She's embarrassed and mortified at appearing so weak in front of him, but her need for security and love at this moment overrides all her patented Starbuck defenses and she clings to him tightly. He doesn't question her, just holds her close whispering comforting words in her ear until she grows quiet.

He gives her a searching look as she retreats from his embrace, but he keeps hold of her hands, lightly rubbing his thumbs over scars no one can see.

"Do you want me to stay?" he whispers it softly, tentative.

She shakes her head in a self-disgusted gesture which neither, affirms nor refutes his offer. Kara lifts her gaze to him, resolute steel in her eyes as she informs him, "I won't tell you."

"I know better than to ask." He smiles gently, reassuring her that he has no intention of prying.

She nods slowly and lies down onto her bunk; his warm body follows her decline, embracing her once more. Kara feels the need to thank him, but no words can express the salvation that Lee represents for her. She brings his hand to her lips and kisses them softly at the point where her own were broken. His fist uncurls to trace the line of her jaw and his fingertips settle at the nape of her neck, his thumb caressing her cheek. Kara drifts off to sleep soon after, thanking the Gods for the silence of the present.


End file.
